Oil Spill

“The oil spill is getting bad. There is so much oil and tar now in the Gulf of Mexico, Cubans can now walk to Miami.” –David Letterman “A new poll found that 43 percent of Americans think President Obama is doing a good job at handling the BP oil spill. Of course, the same poll […]

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Woman shot in the head

Linda Burnett, 23, a resident of San Diego, was visiting her in-laws and while there went to a nearby supermarket to pick up some groceries. Later, her husband noticed her sitting in her car in the driveway with the windows rolled up and with her eyes closed, with both hands behind the back of her […]

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Helen Thomas named new BP spokesperson

GULF OF MEXICO (The Borowitz Report) – In an effort to lift the burden of talking to the press from the shoulders of CEO Tony Hayward, BP today named veteran White House correspondent Helen Thomas its new spokesperson, effective immediately. Ms. Thomas came out swinging in her first appearance today, lashing out at the fish […]

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Democrats Under Water

“Even after the recent Super Bowl victory of the New Orleans Saints, I have noticed a large number of people implying with bad jokes that Cajuns aren’t smart. I would like to state for the record that I disagree with that assessment. Anybody that would build a city 5 feet below sea level in a […]

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Jay Leno

“Liberals are asking us to give Obama time. We agree and think 25 to life would be appropriate.” -Jay Leno “America needs Obama-care like Nancy Pelosi needs a Halloween mask.” -Jay Leno “Barack Obama said today that politics has become too gummed up by money and influence … and then he had to leave to […]

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Possibly the Best Bar Joke Ever!

A guy goes into a bar, where there’s a robot bartender. The robot says, “What will you have?” The guy says, “Martini.” The robot brings back the best martini ever and says to the man, “What’s your IQ?” The guy says, “168.” The robot then proceeds to talk about physics, Space exploration and medical technology […]

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