New Immigrant to NYC

A Russian arrives in New York City as a new immigrant to the United States .. He stops the first person he sees walking down the street and says, “Thank you Mr. American for letting me into this country, giving me housing, food stamps, free medical care and a free education!” The passerby says, “You are mistaken, I am […]

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When Obama died

When Obama died, George Washington met him at the Pearly Gates. He slapped him across the face and yelled, “How dare you try to destroy the Nation I helped conceive?” Patrick Henry approached, punched him in the nose and shouted, “You wanted to end our liberties but you failed.” James Madison followed, kicked him in […]

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Three New Navy Ships

USS REAGAN Seeing it next to the Arizona Memorial really puts its size into perspective… ENORMOUS When the Bridge pipes ‘ Man the Rail’ there is a lot of rail to man on this monster: shoulder to shoulder, around 4.5 acres. Her displacement is about 100,000 tons with full complement. Capability Top speed exceeds 30 […]

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Oil Spill

“The oil spill is getting bad. There is so much oil and tar now in the Gulf of Mexico, Cubans can now walk to Miami.” –David Letterman “A new poll found that 43 percent of Americans think President Obama is doing a good job at handling the BP oil spill. Of course, the same poll […]

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Woman shot in the head

Linda Burnett, 23, a resident of San Diego, was visiting her in-laws and while there went to a nearby supermarket to pick up some groceries. Later, her husband noticed her sitting in her car in the driveway with the windows rolled up and with her eyes closed, with both hands behind the back of her […]

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Helen Thomas named new BP spokesperson

GULF OF MEXICO (The Borowitz Report) – In an effort to lift the burden of talking to the press from the shoulders of CEO Tony Hayward, BP today named veteran White House correspondent Helen Thomas its new spokesperson, effective immediately. Ms. Thomas came out swinging in her first appearance today, lashing out at the fish […]

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