Just booked my flight to Seattle, so excited to work in Washington! Nothing is built in America anymore. My new TV says “Built in Antenna.” Where the hell is that? If owning a gun was a right, it would be in the Constitution. I don’t like the Electoral College and I would never send my […]
BY ANDY BOROWITZ (SATIRE) WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report) – Calling the Obama Administration’s actions against the soccer organization “weak and ineffective,” Senator John McCain on Thursday proposed military action to “dismantle and destroy FIFA once and for all.” “These are people who only understand one thing: force,” McCain said on the floor of the United […]
It’s a slow day in the small town of Pumphandle and the streets are deserted. Times are tough, everybody is in debt, and everybody is living on credit. A tourist visiting the area drives through town, stops at the motel, and lays a $100 bill on the desk saying he wants to inspect the rooms […]
President Barack Obama and the Democratic Senate are considering sweeping legislation that will provide new benefits for many more Americans. The Americans With No Abilities Act is being hailed as a major legislative goal by advocates of the millions of Americans who lack any real skills or ambition. “Roughly 50 percent of Americans do not possess the […]
Remember when Nancy Pelosi said: “We have to pass it, to find out what’s in it” A physician called into a radio show and said: “that’s the definition of a stool sample“. That pretty well sums it up.
Four men were bragging about how smart their dogs are. The first man was an engineer, the second man was an Accountant, the third man was a Chemist and the fourth was a Government Worker. To show off, the Engineer called to his dog, “T-square, do your stuff!” T-square trotted over to a desk, took out some […]