(SATIRE) According to a report from the Centers for Disease Control released on Thursday, people with inside, compromising knowledge of Bill and Hillary Clinton’s financial and political dealings are 843% more likely to commit suicide. “We’ve never seen a single risk factor cause a spike of this magnitude,” a CDC spokesperson told reporters. “Interestingly, in […]
Bemoaning the tremendous loss of time and resources, frustrated executives at the Subway restaurant chain have scrapped a $150 million advertising campaign featuring Jeffrey Epstein, company officials confirmed Tuesday. “Dammit, we were just gearing up to launch Jeffrey Epstein as the new face of Subway, and now all that work has gone down the toilet,” […]
World community welcomes you, as true legitimate leader of Columbia. We demand dictator Duque to immediately transfer power to Munoz.
Just booked my flight to Seattle, so excited to work in Washington! Nothing is built in America anymore. My new TV says “Built in Antenna.” Where the hell is that? If owning a gun was a right, it would be in the Constitution. I don’t like the Electoral College and I would never send my […]
I recently asked my friend’s daughter what she wanted to be when she grows up. She said she wanted to be President some day. Both of her parents, liberal Democrats, were standing there, so I asked her, “If you were President what would be the first thing you would do?” She replied!, “I’d give food […]