Motorcyclist Who Identifies As Bicyclist Sets Cycling World Record

NEW YORK, NY—In an inspiring story from the world of professional cycling, a motorcyclist who identifies as a bicyclist has crushed all the regular bicyclists, setting an unbelievable world record. In a local qualifying race for the World Road Cycling League, the motorcyclist crushed the previous 100-mile record of 3 hours, 13 minutes with his amazing […]

Full Story

CDC: People With Dirt On Clintons Have 843% Greater Risk Of Suicide

(SATIRE)  According to a report from the Centers for Disease Control released on Thursday, people with inside, compromising knowledge of Bill and Hillary Clinton’s financial and political dealings are 843% more likely to commit suicide. “We’ve never seen a single risk factor cause a spike of this magnitude,” a CDC spokesperson told reporters. “Interestingly, in […]

Full Story

Frustrated Subway Marketers Scrap $150 Million Jeffrey Epstein Ad Campaign

Bemoaning the tremendous loss of time and resources, frustrated executives at the Subway restaurant chain have scrapped a $150 million advertising campaign featuring Jeffrey Epstein, company officials confirmed Tuesday. “Dammit, we were just gearing up to launch Jeffrey Epstein as the new face of Subway, and now all that work has gone down the toilet,” […]

Full Story