Guantanamo Adoption Program

Someone recently wrote a letter to the White House complaining about the treatment of a captive taken during the Afghanistan war. Below is a copy of the response. January 29, 2005 The White House 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue Washington, D.C. Dear Concerned Citizen: Thank you for your recent letter criticizing our treatment of the Taliban and […]

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Oil Spill

“The oil spill is getting bad. There is so much oil and tar now in the Gulf of Mexico, Cubans can now walk to Miami.” –David Letterman “A new poll found that 43 percent of Americans think President Obama is doing a good job at handling the BP oil spill. Of course, the same poll […]

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Woman shot in the head

Linda Burnett, 23, a resident of San Diego, was visiting her in-laws and while there went to a nearby supermarket to pick up some groceries. Later, her husband noticed her sitting in her car in the driveway with the windows rolled up and with her eyes closed, with both hands behind the back of her […]

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Helen Thomas named new BP spokesperson

GULF OF MEXICO (The Borowitz Report) – In an effort to lift the burden of talking to the press from the shoulders of CEO Tony Hayward, BP today named veteran White House correspondent Helen Thomas its new spokesperson, effective immediately. Ms. Thomas came out swinging in her first appearance today, lashing out at the fish […]

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President Obama and VP Biden Plan WWIII

President Obama and VP Biden are sitting in a bar. A guy walks in and asks the barman, “Isn’t that Obama and Biden sitting over there?” The bartender says, “Yep, that’s them.” So the guy walks over and says, “Wow, this is a real honor! What are you guys doing in here?” Obama says, “We’re […]

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Democrats Under Water

“Even after the recent Super Bowl victory of the New Orleans Saints, I have noticed a large number of people implying with bad jokes that Cajuns aren’t smart. I would like to state for the record that I disagree with that assessment. Anybody that would build a city 5 feet below sea level in a […]

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