Frustrated Subway Marketers Scrap $150 Million Jeffrey Epstein Ad Campaign

Bemoaning the tremendous loss of time and resources, frustrated executives at the Subway restaurant chain have scrapped a $150 million advertising campaign featuring Jeffrey Epstein, company officials confirmed Tuesday. “Dammit, we were just gearing up to launch Jeffrey Epstein as the new face of Subway, and now all that work has gone down the toilet,” […]

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New Species Discovered

                    They are referred to as “homo slackass-erectus” created by natural genetic downward evolution through constant spineless posturing, and spasmatic upper limb gestures, which new research has shown to cause shorter legs and an inability to ambulate other than in an awkward shuffling gait. The “drag-crotch” […]

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