Helen Thomas named new BP spokesperson

GULF OF MEXICO (The Borowitz Report) – In an effort to lift the burden of talking to the press from the shoulders of CEO Tony Hayward, BP today named veteran White House correspondent Helen Thomas its new spokesperson, effective immediately. Ms. Thomas came out swinging in her first appearance today, lashing out at the fish […]

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President Obama and VP Biden Plan WWIII

President Obama and VP Biden are sitting in a bar. A guy walks in and asks the barman, “Isn’t that Obama and Biden sitting over there?” The bartender says, “Yep, that’s them.” So the guy walks over and says, “Wow, this is a real honor! What are you guys doing in here?” Obama says, “We’re […]

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Airport Screening Solution

Here’s a solution to all the controversy over full-body scanners at the airports:   Have a booth that you can step into that will not X-ray you, but will detonate any explosive device you may have on you.   It would be a win-win for everyone, and there would be none of this crap about […]

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Democrats Under Water

“Even after the recent Super Bowl victory of the New Orleans Saints, I have noticed a large number of people implying with bad jokes that Cajuns aren’t smart. I would like to state for the record that I disagree with that assessment. Anybody that would build a city 5 feet below sea level in a […]

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Jay Leno

“Liberals are asking us to give Obama time. We agree and think 25 to life would be appropriate.” -Jay Leno “America needs Obama-care like Nancy Pelosi needs a Halloween mask.” -Jay Leno “Barack Obama said today that politics has become too gummed up by money and influence … and then he had to leave to […]

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Possibly the Best Bar Joke Ever!

A guy goes into a bar, where there’s a robot bartender. The robot says, “What will you have?” The guy says, “Martini.” The robot brings back the best martini ever and says to the man, “What’s your IQ?” The guy says, “168.” The robot then proceeds to talk about physics, Space exploration and medical technology […]

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Illegal Immigration

Democrats