Ahmadinejad

Every day, Jose brings home a suitcase full of ten dollar bills. He drives a Mercedes, lives in a mortgage-free house, and has lots of cash to spend.

“Hey, amigo,” Carlos says to Jose, “I work just as long and hard as you do, so how come you bring home a suitcase full of ten dollar bills every day?”

Jose says, “Look at your sign, what does it say?”

Carlos’ sign reads; I have no work, a wife and six kids to support.

“What’s wrong with that?” Carlos asks him.

“No wonder you only get eight or nine dollars a day!”

Carlos says, “Alright, so what does your sign say?”

Jose’s sign reads: I only need ten dollars to get back to Mexico

The ant worked hard in the withering heat all summer long, building
his house and laying up supplies for the winter.

The grasshopper thought the ant to be a fool, laughed, danced,and played the summer away..

Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed. The grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold.

MORAL OF THE STORY: Be responsible for yourself!

MODERN VERSION:

The ant works hard in the withering heat and the rain all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter.

The grasshopper thought the ant to be a fool, laughed, danced,
and played the summer away…

Come winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and
demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed
while he is cold and starving. CBS, NBC, MNBC, PBS, CNN, and ABC
show up to provide pictures of the shivering grasshopper next to a
video of the ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food.

America is stunned by the sharp contrast.
How can this be, that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?

Kermit the Frog appears on Oprah with the grasshopper and everybody
cries as they sing, ‘It’s Not Easy Being Green…’

ACORN stages a demonstration in front of the ant’s house where the news stations film the group singing, “We shall overcome.” Then Rev. Jeremiah Wright, Rev. Jackson, Rev. Sharpton join together and have the group kneel down to pray to G.od for the grasshopper’s sake.

President Obama condemns the ant and blames President Bush, President Reagan, Christopher Columbus, and the Pope for the grasshopper’s plight. Nancy Pelosi & Harry Reid exclaim in an interview with Larry King that the ant has gotten rich off the back of the grasshopper, and both call for an immediate tax hike on the ant to make him pay his fair share.

Finally, the Congress drafts the (EEOC) Economic Equity & Anti-Grasshopper Act, retroactive to the beginning of the summer.

The ant is fined for failing to hire a proportionate number of green bugs and, having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated by the Government Green Czar and given to the grasshopper.

The story ends as we see the grasshopper and his free-loading friends finishing up the last bits of the ant’s food while the government house he is in, which, as you recall, just happens to be the ant’s old house, crumbles around them because the grasshopper doesn’t maintain it.

The ant has disappeared in the snow, never to be seen again. The grasshopper is found dead in a drug related incident, and the house, now abandoned, is taken over by a gang of spiders who terrorize the ramshackle, once prosperous and once peaceful, neighborhood.

The entire Nation collapses bringing the rest of the free world with it.

MORAL OF THE STORY:

Be careful how you vote in 2010. NO INCUMBENTS!

Make sure that you pass this on to other ants. Don’t bother telling it on to any grasshoppers because they wouldn’t understand it, anyway

Parallels of Abraham Lincoln and B. H. Obama:

1. Lincoln placed his hand on the Bible for his inauguration.
Obama used the same Bible.

2. Lincoln came from Illinois.
Obama comes from Illinois.

3. Lincoln served in the Illinois Legislature.
Obama was in the Illinois Legislature.

4. Lincoln had little experience before becoming President.
Obama had little experience before becoming President.

5. Lincoln rode the train from Philadelphia to Washington for his inauguration.
Obama rode the train from Philadelphia to Washington for his inauguration.

6. Lincoln was a skinny lawyer.
Obama is a skinny lawyer.

7. Lincoln was a Republican.
Obama is a skinny lawyer.

8. Lincoln was highly respected.
Obama is a skinny lawyer.

9. Lincoln was born in the United States.
Obama is a skinny lawyer.

10. Lincoln was so honest he was called Honest Abe.
Obama is a skinny lawyer.

11. Lincoln led America through the Civil War.
Obama is a skinny lawyer.

12. Lincoln’s birthday is documented and a holiday.
Obama is a skinny lawyer.

13. Lincoln defended and protected the US Constitution.
Obama is a skinny lawyer.

2. I got a call from a Kansas Congressman ” Moore ‘s” staffer (Howard Bauleke), who wanted to go to Capetown. I started to explain the length of the flight and the passport information, and then he interrupted me with, ”I’m not trying to make you look stupid, but Capetown is in Massachusetts .”

Without trying to make him look stupid, I calmly explained, ” Cape Cod is in Massachusetts , Capetown is in Africa ”
His response — click.

3. A senior Vermont Congressman (Bernie Sanders) called, furious about a Florida package we had done for him.  I asked what was wrong with the vacation in Orlando. He said he was expecting an ocean-view room. I tried to explain that’s not possible, since Orlando is in the middle of the state. He replied, ‘don’t lie to me, I looked on the map and Florida is a very thin
state!” (OMG)

4. I got a call from a lawmaker’s wife (Landra Reid) who asked, ”Is it possible to see England from Canada ?”
I said, ”No.”
She said, ”But they look so close on the map.”
(OMG, again!)

5. An aide for a cabinet member (Janet Napolitano) once called and asked if he could rent a car in Dallas .  I pulled up the reservation and noticed he had only a 1-hour layover in Dallas.
When I asked him why he wanted to rent a car, he said, ”I heard Dallas was a big airport and we will need a car to drive between gates to save time”.

6. An Illinois Congresswoman ( Jan Schakowsky) called last week. She needed to know how it was possible that her flight from Detroit left at 8:30 a.m., and got to Chicago at 8:33 a.m.
I explained that Michigan was an hour ahead of Illinois , but she couldn’t understand the concept of time zones. Finally, I told her the plane went fast, and she bought that.

7. A New York lawmaker, (Jerrold Nadler) called and asked, ”Do airlines put your physical description on your bag so they know whose luggage belongs to whom”  I said, ‘No, why do you ask?’ He replied “Well, when I checked in with the airline, they put a tag on my luggage that said (FAT), and I’m overweight. I think that’s very rude!” After putting him on hold for a minute, while I looked into it. (I was dying laughing). I came back and explained the city code for Fresno , Ca. is (FAT – Fresno Air Terminal), and the airline was just putting a destination tag on his luggage.

8. A Senator John Kerry aide (Lindsay Ross) called to inquire about a trip package to Hawaii.  After going over all the cost info, she asked, ”Would it be cheaper to fly to California and then take the train to Hawaii ?”

9. I just got off the phone with a freshman Congressman, Bobby Bright (D) from AL who asked, ”How do I know which plane to get on?”  I asked him what exactly he meant, to which he replied, ”I was told my flight number is 823, but none of these planes have numbers on them.”
 
10. Senator Dianne Feinstein (D) called and said, ”I need to fly to Pepsi-Cola , Florida . Do I have to get on one of those little computer planes?”
I asked if she meant fly to Pensacola , FL on a commuter plane.
She said, ”Yeah, whatever, smarty!”

11. Mary Landrieu (D) La. Senator called and had a question about the documents she needed in order to fly to China. After a lengthy discussion about passports, I reminded her that she needed a visa. ‘Oh, no I don’t. I’ve been to China many times and never had to have one of those.”  I double checked and sure enough, her stay required a visa. When I told her this she said, ”Look, I’ve been to China four times and every time they have accepted my American Express!”

12. A New Jersey Congressman (John Adler) called to make reservations, ”I want to go from Chicago to Rhino, New York .”  I was at a loss for words. Finally, I said, ”Are you sure that’s the name of the town?”  ‘Yes, what flights do you have?” replied the man. After some searching, I came back with, ”I’m sorry, sir, I’ve looked up every airport code in the country and can’t find a Rhino anywhere.” ‘The man retorted, ”Oh, don’t be silly! Everyone knows where it is. Check your map!” So I scoured a map of the state of New York and finally offered, ”You don’t
mean Buffalo , do you?” The reply? ”Whatever! I knew it was a big animal.”

Now you know why the Government is in the shape that it’s in!

If George W. Bush had spent hundreds of thousands of dollars to take Laura Bush
to a play in NYC, would you have approved?

If George W. Bush had reduced your retirement plan’s holdings of GM stock by 90%
and given the unions a majority stake in GM, would you have approved?

If George W. Bush had made a joke at the expense of the Special Olympics, would
you have approved?

If George W. Bush had given Gordon Brown a set of inexpensive and incorrectly
formatted DVDs, when Gordon Brown had given him a thoughtful and historically
significant gift, would you have approved?

If George W. Bush had given the Queen of England an iPod containing videos of
his speeches, would you have thought this embarrassingly narcissistic and tacky?

If George W. Bush had bowed to the King of Saudi Arabia , would you have
approved?

If George W. Bush had visited Austria and made reference to the nonexistent
“Austrian language,” would you have brushed it off as a  minor slip?

If George W. Bush had filled his cabinet and circle of advisers with people who
cannot seem to keep current in their income taxes, would you have approved?

If George W. Bush had stated that there were 57 states in the United States ,
would you have said that he is clueless.

If George W. Bush would have flown all the way to Denmark to make a five minute
speech about how the Olympics would benefit him walking out his front door in
Texas , would you have thought he was a self important, conceited, egotistical
jerk.

If George W. Bush had been so Spanish illiterate as to refer to “Cinco de
Cuatro” in front of the Mexican ambassador when it was the 5th of May (Cinco de
Mayo), and continued to flub it when he tried again, would you have winced in
embarrassment?

If George W. Bush had misspelled the word “advice” would you have hammered him
for it for years like Dan Quayle and potatoes as proof of what a dunce he is?

If George W. Bush had burned 9,000 gallons of jet fuel to go plant a single tree
on Earth Day, would you have concluded he’s a hypocrite?

If George W. Bush’s administration had okayed Air Force One flying low  over
millions of people followed by a jet fighter in downtown  Manhattan  causing
widespread panic, would you have wondered whether they actually get what
happened on 9-11?

If George W. Bush had failed to send relief aid to flood victims throughout the
Midwest with more people killed or made homeless than in  New Orleans , would
you want it made into a major ongoing political issue  with claims of racism and
incompetence?

If George W. Bush had created the position of 32 Czars who report directly to
him, bypassing the House and Senate on much of what is happening in America ,
would you have approved.

If George W. Bush had ordered the firing of the CEO of a major corporation, even
though he had no constitutional authority to do so, would you have approved?

If George W. Bush had proposed to double the national debt, which had taken more
than two centuries to accumulate, in one year, would you have approved?

If George W. Bush had then proposed to double the debt again within 10 years,
would you have approved?

So, tell me again, what is it about Obama that makes him so brilliant and
impressive? Can’t think of anything? Don’t worry. He’s done all this in 15
months — so you’ll have two years and nine months to come up with an answer.

“What if the owners of the Suns discovered that hordes
of people were sneaking into games without paying?

What if they had a good idea who the gate crashers are, but the
ushers and security personnel were not allowed to ask these folks to produce their ticket stubs, thus non-paying attendees couldn’t be ejected.

Furthermore, what if Suns’ ownership was expected to provide
those who sneaked in with complimentary eats and drink?

And what if, on those days when a gate-crasher became ill or
injured, the Suns had to provide free medical care and shelter?”

A German doctor said, “That’s nothing, we can take a lung out of one person, put it in another, and have him looking for work in four weeks.”
 
A British doctor said, “In my country, medicine is so advanced that we can take half of a heart out of one person, put it in another, and have them both looking for work in two weeks.”
 
A Chicago doctor, not to be outdone said, “You guys are way behind. We took a man with no brains out of Chicago, put him in the White House, and now half the country is looking for work.”